It’s traditional to ask your true love’s father for permission before you propose, or to ask both parents for their blessing. This is a nod to history, and a sign of respect for the family you are seeking to join. There are a few things to consider, however, before you call mom and dad for a chat.
How Would She Feel?
The first thing to consider is whether or not your girlfriend would be okay with you asking for permission to marry her. This is an old tradition, and it dates from a time when women were the property of their fathers until they were given to their new husbands. Sometimes, the bride-to-be was not even consulted before the deal was made. Although those times are far in the past now, it can still be a sensitive subject for some. Think carefully before you ask anybody but your beloved for her hand.
What If They Say No?
The next thing to consider is, what if they say no? Most couples today function on the principle of ‘it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,’ and with good reason. If you are serious about asking her parents for her hand in marriage, then you have to be ready for their answer- whatever it is. If you have been in a relationship for a long time, and her family seems to approve of you, then you probably don’t have anything to worry about. However, if there is any discord between you and her parents, you should seek to resolve it before asking. If that’s impossible, you should reconsider your plan of action, and possibly not consult them before proposing.
If you are surprised by a refusal, it’s important to talk it through with her parents. After all, you did ask permission, and so it is their right to deny it. Ask them why they feel that the marriage is not a good idea, and do you best to alleviate their worries. It is always possible to just go ahead and get married regardless, but consider the damage you will be doing to your relationship with your in-laws. If you are set on asking for permission to marry, then be prepared for any consequences that may arise.
Ask For Their Blessing
A softer, less risky approach is to ask your girlfriend’s parents for their blessing, rather than permission, either before or after the proposal has taken place.
Although it is always tempting to stay with tradition when dealing in matters of marriage, weigh the benefits and possible consequences of your actions carefully. Decide whether or not your bride-to-be would approve, and ask only if you are reasonably sure that you will receive wholehearted approval from her parents. Additionally, if you ask and are refused, commit to working through the issues that are brought up, in order to strengthen your relationship with your future family.
Do you need expert advice on whether to ask for permission to propose? Contact the Heart Bandits. We have the years of experience needed to weigh the situation, and we can help you plan the best proposal idea whatever mom and dad have to say. Once you are ready to propose, we can also provide all of the proposal help you need. Contact us today!
Michele